Being a GOOD FATHER (or parent.)

As Salaam Alaikum Brothers and Men,

As you all are aware of, Eid ul Fitr is approaching and I’m sure many of us have been bombarded with children and their wish lists for this year. Seeing as these said children will more than likely empty our wallets soon, i wanted to talk about raising children in Islam and their rights over us as fathers and parents.

Before we dive into this sea of information(It’s a lot!), lets recognize the pure fact of having children a blessing. Having children is a blessing because Allah(S.W.T) gives us them as an adornment for this world. They make it better so to speak. Also, if you don’t have children or physically can’t have children you’re not out of the loop, it is a decree from Allah so it is also a blessing and we should be equally grateful.   You may be thinking since you’re the parent you control everything dealing with your child, which is true to an extent. Here are some right that you have over your children.

Rights of Parents

  • Children MUST be most kind, helpful, respectful,caring,mindful,and gentle to ones parents.
  • Children MUST be kind in words,treatment,and actions towards ones parents.
  • It is also a right of the parent over the child that the child MUST be pleasant in the parents presence and serve them with pleasure and without any complaint, HIDDEN OR APPARENT.

Allah also said in the Quran” Show gratitude to me and thy parents.” 31:11

So parents do have rights over their children, BUT, children also have rights over their parents. It may seem crazy to some but it makes sense, the future Ummah should have rights to protect them and ensure the stay on the path.Simply put Allah(S.W.T) has made rights for his younger slaves and they aren’t that hard for us as fathers to abide by.

Rights of Children

  • Before the child is even born as men we have the duty of finding a righteous, pious, and caring wife to be the mother.(Seems easy but sadly a lot of brothers don’t even think about this.)
  • Engrave them with true values, the meaning of right and wrong, true and false,appropriate and inappropriate, ect.
  • Provide the proper upbringing of a muslim child, by teaching, nurturing, interaction, as well as by your own examples.
These are just some of the simple things we as fathers and parents are obligated to fulfill. They will insha Allah make for a better child and insha /Allah bring great blessings to you. If you’re wondering when is a good time to start any of this it’s simple=before birth. Many parents especially fathers wait till the child is a toddler or near puberty to begin teaching when in fact, it will be too late. As an infant, your child by the Mercy of Allah can hear, which is one of the most important aspects of teaching, so why not let them hear the beautiful knowledge of Al Islam? what i found out recently from a very knowledgable elder and what im doing now is  playing Quran throughout the house. Why you ask? When your wife hears the beautiful Words of Allah being played throughout the house, those words are passed through her ear canal by sound waves to the baby, who also hears such beautiful words. This will help sooth the baby and get it learning Quran much easier and faster. When the child is born and is a toddler or small child, let them play, let them have fun and enjoy life. Simply play the Quran where they are playing in a high place while they play. The child will hear the words of Allah and since it’s playing, will associate them with being good and something it likes. Also kiss the child and hold the child close right before Maghrib, as the shaitan likes to roam and cause harm during this time.  Also MEN, it is important that we be in our childs life. The Prophet(S.A.W) said” Every one of you is a shepherd. And every one is responsible for what ever falls under his responsibility. A man is like a shepherd of his own family and he is responsible for them.” Bukhari and Muslim. So MEN, it is our responsibility to take care of our children. We must teach them about this deen and cloth them and feed them and make sure there needs are fulfilled. And to those males who aren’t in their childs lives think about this, the Prophet(S.A.W) said”Upon death a man’s deeds will stop accumulating except, charity, knowledge taught that is still being implemented, and pious, righteous, and God-fearing kids who make continuously pray to Allah(S.W.T.) for their parents souls. Also men we have to look at our own character. Why tell our children to wear thobe and kufi when we don’t wear thobe and kufi? Why punish our sons for talking to women at school when the boy sees his father do it? Children are very observant and soak everything they see and hear, so let us Men and Fathers insha Allah have good character and be an example to our children. Also Allah will surely give you kids that treat you how you treated your parents! So while your reading the upper half to your child read it yourself and see if you’re fulfilling your parents right over you?!
                       And to those men who are so busy with work and business, that money won’t be with you in the grave! Children are often lost and disrespectful and unruly by the negligence their parents showed them. Men take your sons to islamic classes at the masjid with you, take them there for salat. Take them out into the town and get to know them, they might surprise you. Most importantly, BE  THERE. ALWAYS BE IN YOUR CHILDS LIFE NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE. REMEMBER, STUDIES SHOW THAT 70% OF PEOPLE WHO’S FATHER WASN’T PRESENT END UP IN PRISON.
                    Once again, Eid is approaching and insha Allah i hope i encouraged you brothers on spending time with your children and letting them enjoy this blessed day. Also insha Allah i hope we all look at this as an inner calling to treat our own parents better, because on the Day of Judgement we will be asked.
Insha Allah may Allah(S.W.T) forgive me of anything i have said that is false or misleading, as that was not my intention, Ameen.
                                                                                             As Salaam Alaikum Men and Brothers.


As Salaam Alaikum Gentlemen,

As you know today is the very first day of this blog and I wish to jump right into the subject at hand. Manners! What are manners? How do you get manners? Why do we even need manners? Manners are a way of doing something and in our case(MUSLIM MEN) following the ways and mannerisms of the Prophet Muhammad(S.A.W). Before you write this off as being a impossible task keep in mind that the Prophet has been recorded as saying in the next world the people who will sit among him are those like him in manners. With that being said it can be done. Maybe not 100% but you have to try nonetheless. As for how to achieve Good manners, there’s two ways. 1.You are born with them(like  through your DNA) in which you would be considered a mutant in this day and age. 2. You learn them and obtain them. How does one achieve such feat? I’m glad you asked!

First realize that no one is perfect. But the good men and the men who are destined for Al Firdaus Insha Allah are those who find out their faults and fix them. I was recently listening to a lecture that broke it down really well on how to do this. First you must have four avenues or paths to finding out your faults and manners. Then there’s five steps to fix this and with a little(or a lot) or Dua, you will become ……….A GENTLEMAN!!!

Avenues to bettering your manners.

Finding your faults and bad manners.

  1. Study under a sheik. This will help because he can point out your short comings and more importantly give you a type of template of how to act(I’ll explain later) (33)
  2. Cooperate with a BEST FRIEND. The reason this calls for a BEST FRIEND(MUSLIM OF COURSE)is because as your best friend that person should be able know your bad habits very well and Insha Allah they have the knowledge to know what you are doing wrong. This is a very good way of reminding them of their faults as well and in this case helping both of you become better Muslims Insha Allah.
  3. Listen to your ENEMIES and envious ones who speak badly about you(yes you can include HATERS, LAMES, AND LOSERS,). The reason for this is simple, even though they speak bad about you and spread rumors and lies and defame you, there is some truth in there. For the short-tempered, take it as constructive criticism.
  4. Lastly, Look at the COMMUNITY and say you are one of them. When you don’t like something about the community, try to put it on yourself and be of that and then look for ways to change it. Chances are you might not like something that others are doing, but are doing it yourself!

Once all those steps are done its time to write down all your faults and bad manners and PRIORITIZE them!( I know another to do list sorry) This will help you tackle the big things first but not overlooking the smaller things.

Ways to fix aforementioned faults and bad manners.

  1. FORCE yourself to fix your manners, which will convince your heart. It sounds like hypocrisy but it’s not, since you are sincere about changing your bad manners.(34)
  2. COPY the people of the opposite character. Every bad manner,deed, and person has an opposite.(33)
  3. STAY like this for a period of time. The time vary’s depending on the person. If you feel like you are still copying and forcing then keep at it, but if you feel like its natural and ts in your heart and its done like second nature then Masha Allah you have successfully fix a bad manner!
  4. RINSE AND REPEAT. once completed for one bad manner, go down the list to the next and start over.

(34)Remember the Hadith about your body having a king which is a piece of flesh called the heart. When the heart commands it sends a signal to the organs and limbs to either obey Allah(S.W.T) or disobey!

Once you Have improved Your manners Ahki’s, you will be one step closer to becoming a muslim gentleman, one of the most trusted and beloved men in the community!

Food for thought: The Prophet(S.A.W) is recorded as saying if you improve your manners alone, you will be in the same level as the highest of worshippers in Paradise!(hows that for an initiative!)

Insha Allah i hope this helps you all as well as myself, and if i have said anything wrong May Allah(S.W.T) forgive me of my ignorance and increase my knowledge, Ameen

                                                                                      As Salaam Wa Alaikum Brothers.